later...

I going to have to peace out on the blogging for a while. Not that I don't love outwardly processing, typing as therapy, and sharing my thoughts for all you, but this is strictly Mal and her journal time. So just leaving with these lyrics. If any words could speak for me right now, it would be these.

"Sitting, and waiting, for You. Sitting here and waiting for Your voice. Are you speaking, or are you keeping silent? Have you spoken or have I missed your plan? I am broken, and I am empty again. I am hoping, and I am growing weak. You are my God and my Shepard, You said if I ask, then You speak. Come now and restore my sould passion, to be here and be Yours forever. I am here waiting for Your voice and Your heart. I am here waiting for You." -'Wait' Throneroom Worship

loveage.

constant

Isn't is awesome how we serve a constant, unfailing God? Think about it, how many people come into our lives, they may let us down, or just meant to be in our lives for a season. Either way it is inconsistent. And that hurts. It hurts to feel let down, or sometimes feel 2nd best. But our God is a God of promises and those he will keep! He is the only one we can go to when the world has yet again failed us. And on top of that, He loves us, with a constant love. UNCONDITIONALLY. Even if we may not feel it, it is there. It's like the sun in the winter; we may not feel it as much, but it is still radiantly burning above us, giving us life. Whether we are in the winter or summer of our spiritual lives, HIS FIRE STILL BURNS BRIGHT WITHIN US; THATS A PROMISE!

"For there is no power, below or above, that can separate us from the depths of His love. I am my Beloveds and now He is mine. He has paid with bloodshed, the price for all time."

-Throneroom worship (Thanks b-fri)

I give YOU all that is mine!

back to the gym

I have one of the bestest friends in the whole world who blesses me so much everytime i get to spend time with her. Tonight I was just sitting down with my b-fri Alex Russ and we were just doing what we do best: wearing our hearts on our sleeves. I told her that were just a bunch of open heart surgery patients, walking around with our guts totally exposed for everyone to see.

We were talking about how hard it is being back home right now after our big 6 months away from reality and I got this huge revelation. It was an analogy OF COURSE IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!

I got the analogy of a person who has not worked out for a while and then they decide to start working out. When they first begin, they are tired easily, and they are really sore afterwards. The muscles are being torn and stretched so that they can grow bigger. And I feel like that is exactly where I am right now. In a place of stretching and tearing. I feel weak, and out of touch. Some days I don't feel like pushing any more. But I realized that that is just my spiritual muscle being streched right now. It's being put to max capacity so that I may grow stronger and I will be able to live in this world, but not of it. I have been out of the world, it seems for a while; out of the gym. But now I'm and back to the gym; back to reality and living in a crazy and far from perfect world and I feel out of shape. But just like working out, things will get easier. I will get in shape. But that doesn't mean its time to throw in the towel. That means its time to add more weight. When you're working out, the only way your muscles will continue to grow bigger is if you constantly push further. If you just use the same weight over and over, you will be in shape, but you won't get any bigger. This is why I have to always want more, to know more, to seek more of Jesus and dive deeper into his mysteries. My spiritual muscles are being worked to their limits at the moment, but all I can do is just REJOICE, and PRAISE Jesus for where I am. And use it for fuel to just seek harder, love harder, pray harder, overcome, and just be.

I AM BLESSED

dance unashamed

So I was driving home from school this morning, listenin to the good old i-pod. I put on this playlist that my friend Mary had made for my planeride home from Australia, and I just kept on driving, kind of listening to the music, kind of not. It's like you've got the music playing, but you're really just thinking about what's for lunch, or why that guy is following you so close, or what the plans for the rest of the day are, and "hey, why is my butt sweating?" seat heaters! But today this one song just popped out of nowhere. It's like the volume just came up, and it was screaming, "listen to me! listen to me!" It was Brandston's "Nobody dances anymore." Here's the lyrics-->

You wanna play it safe,
Don't wanna step out.
You gotta pretend so no one finds out.
You gotta break free,
You gotta break out
So everybody knows what you're all about.

Don't be afraid to be the one to start it up,
It's a party, once you turn it on it's hard to turn it off.
Listen to the music,
Turn it up, let it go.
Take it in until you feel it take control.

Nobody dances anymore,

Nobody takes chances anymore.

So, besides the fact that I was singing and dancing like an idiot in the car, God really spoke to me a lot through this song. And I finally realized why Mary put it on that playlist (considering the majority of the other songs were serious worship songs.)

Ok, I'm all about analogies, I know total nerd, but it's how God speaks to me a lot, and I LOVE IT! So I like to think about the music that they are talking about in this song as like God, and his voice, and everything that comes with that whole package. We need to just listen to God. Forget about everyone else (not trying to sound mean or anything), but turn him on and turn him up so that nothing else can be heard, and when we do this, He's gonna take control. He's gonna override all the other voices that are spinning around in our heads that we constantly find ourselves listening to.

BE UNDIGNIFIED BEFORE CHRIST!!

The guys said it perfect, "You gotta break free, You gotta break out. So everybody knows what you're all about." Stop caring about what other people are going to think. I find myself doing that so often. Not doing certain things because I feel like someone will judge it. But I'm beginning to realize that there is a limit to how much we should care about what people think. There is a difference between wisdom and insecurity. People will judge, but the great thing is, God deals with that for us! I believe when we finally break out of that shell and be totally unashamed before the Lord, that is when we will Shine like stars just as is talks about in Philippians 2: 12-18. That is when people will see Jesus through us. Because we are different! CLAIM IT!

So, go do it! RUN, DANCE, PLAY, SING, SHOUT. and do it like only one person is watching. He is all that matters.

Oh, here's the music video. It's really funny. It will probably inspire you.
-->watch this junk!<--

so much love. <3>

Mocha-choca-latte-yaya

I want you to think about something for a second... when was the last time you bought something that you didn't need?

for me, it was an IBC cherry soda from work. I justified it on the fact that I get 50% off and so since it's a deal, I might as well.
Maybe for you it was that latte from Starbucks, or the Daily Grind if you know what's best for ya! And that's probably not the first time youve splurged on one this month, if not this week! (I know I am guilty!)

Today I got to see a website that basically blew all justifications out of the window. (credit to Tatum Downs for giving me the link). The website was for a group called the Mocha Club. And basically it shows how far just 2 Mochas ($7) can go in a place like Africa.

WHAT CAN $7 DO IN AFRICA?
In the U.S., $7 = 2 mochas

In Kibera, Kenya, $7 =
3 meals in a day for 9 orphans

In Bulawayo, Zimbabwe, $7 =
1 school term for 2 children

In all of Africa, $7 =
clean water for 7 Africans for 1 year!!!!!

After looking at these statistics I was immediately overwhelmed with emotion, and like Annie, I'm a crier. So I sat there and thought... if I only gave up something I don't even need 2 times every month, I could be changing a child in Africa's life. I could be giving hope where there is none... Alot of times, that's where it stops. Just thinking. No doing. I was challenged today, to follow my heart of living simple, “Live simply so that others may simply live.”

I know this may sound like another one of those commercials with that old guy asking you to donate money, but this is just my heart, overflowing with love and passion for these people. If I only affect one, it will be worth it.


Here's the website www.mochaclub.org
just check it out, it may have the same affect on your heart as it did mine.

Thrive

In times during life when it just feels pointless and numb, unexciting and without challenge is it possible to THRIVE?

"If you would live in victory over the circumstances, great and small, that come to you each day...
...and if you want God's life and power to well up from the depths of your being...
...then you must refuse to be dominated by the seen and felt." -Amy Carmichael

Yes! The last line of that quote sums it up. We cannot let our lives be driven by cricumstances that we are in, things we see happening in life and the way it makes us feel. But we ask, how can we conquer if there is no mountain in front of us in the first place? When it feels dry and desolate, when we are just asking for a big challenge to grow us, to keep us busy, something of exciement to work towards, and all we see is flat deserts...

We take this seemingly dull life and THRIVE in Jesus. Let Him come and fill our innermost being. let him bring excitement to a cloudy day. Just as I talked about in the look up blog, we need to do just that. We don't have to have a huge challenge before us, we just need to live and breathe Jesus. If it's such a dull and gloomy day, what better thing to do than to go inside, into the secret place and fall into the arms of our Daddy above? It's all about a heart attitude. You can grow just as much in Jesus in the quiet and solitude as you can engaging in a huge battle.

"You must look steadfastly through the visible, until the invisible opens up to you." -Amy Carmichael

Jesus forgive me for only knowing this in my head and not my heart. Help me to look past the circumstances of each day and instead look to you. Teach me that it is ok to have dullness. Help me to embrace the solitude.

Quest

Lovesick for my Beloved.

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God...Deep calls to deep." -Psalm 42:1-2, 7

"This is the generation searching for the face of God. And only You can satsify. And the Spirit and the Bride say come..."-Misty Edwards

I have begun a quest, one into the discovery of the fullness of the love of Jesus, a quest to find Love Himself and to know him. And of corse, it's not going to be easy. Think about the quest of a knight: He has his long journey, only to get to the battleground where he then has to defeat some nasty dragon or something, and THEN he is met face to face with the one who has been waiting for him for so long, waiting to be called his lover!

This journey to knowing God is long yes, stretched with winding roads, rain storms, and sore feet. The battle ground is vicious, with the enemy trying to steal, kill, and destroy any joy and hope you may experience along the way. But in this we must overcome, we must keep our eyes on Jesus and his promises, his faithfulness, that if we seek him, we WILL find him and that he has already won all the battles with his blood. And we must not let anything get in the way of that because to overcome the enemy is to overcome the world and our own flesh. We must take away everything that gets in the way of love. And when you have reached the final destination you will realize that it was worth it, HE is so worth it! But as I said, I have only just begun...

Misty pretty much sums it up right here:

"Jesus the faithful witness, you were faithful to the death, you were faithful to the end. you loved me even to the end. Oh God make us faithful, make us overcomers as you have overcome. to the end. we wanna be faithful, we wanna love you to the end, loving not our lives even unto death God, even unto death. We wanna be equally yoked to you Jesus equally yoked in love, loving you until the end. Just as you loved us until the end. You are the faithful witness. You are the faithful witness, the first born from the dead. Let us love you this way oh God. Let us love you more than we love this life. Let us love you to the end, even to the end...you have been faithful, you were faithful even to death. Let us love you this way. let us love you to the end, to the death." -Misty Edwards

"And happy am I to lead a hungry life, blessed am I to thirst." -Misty Edwards



So what I went a little Misty crazy, She inspires me, she encourages me to do just this: know and love God.

Look up. Pause.

Well, I'd like to first thank Miss Annie Downs and Mr. Ryan Kennedy for the inspiration to start this blog. I've done it, I've entered into the social blogging scene. Funny. I figured after myspace and facebook I would stop, but this has a different attractiveness to it, it has sucked me in. There's something about just being able to write down your thoughts, whether anyone else reads it or not, it's sort of like therapy...maybe? But I do hope that some other eyes come across this blog. I took a personality test the other day for class and it said I was an inspirer. I don't know how accurate those things are... I mean they are free, but I figured I would give it a whirl.

Every Tuesday and Thursday I fight my way through the bitter cold from the English building to the Social Sciences building to get to my communications class. It's only about a football's field away and yet I still ginuinely dred the trek. I think to myself everyday as I pass 3 or 4 great sit-down-and-enjoy-life spots "I can't wait until Spring so I can actually enjoy being outside!" If you can't tell winter is my most unfavorite season (yeah that's not a word but we're not going to worry about it) I end up finding myself inside the Social Sciences building sitting at a coffee shop table, warm and comfortable, waiting for my next class to begin.

Today was different. I mean I still made the same trek, same bitter coldness, same coffee shop warm up, and same boring communications class, but I decided to take a different approach to life. I decided that I wasn't going to worry about the fact that my next class was across campus and it was 32 degrees outside. I zipped up my jacket, pushed open those double doors, and faced winter.

My normal instinct would be to get to class as quickly as I could with my head down blocking the stinging chill, but today I looked up. Paused. I observed people, the bare trees, the blue sky, the smooth clouds, the crispness of the air. And I found beauty. I found God. And at this moment I was reminded that winter can be dead if you look at it with the world's eyes. But when you pause for a second and take this season of life, this winter, and live it with Jesus, see it through His eyes, there is a beauty. There is life and joy. You just have to choose to live it head up or down.

Today I'm choosing up.

"Then let us fill all of our pauses with praise! Let us give all that lies within us not to the voices of the enemy, but to pure praise, to pure loving adoration, and to worship from a grateful heart- a heart that is trained to look up." -Amy Carmichael
(This just so happened to be my devotional reading for today, what I read AFTER this all occured. Funny how God works. AMAZING actually. Praise be to Him!)

EMBRACE. ENDURE. CONQUER.